Nearly everyone I know must be depraved

Don’t settle for depravity
16 Jan, 2010 01:00 AM
THE forthcoming Henson exhibition seems to me to be an example of human expression outside of the knowledge of God.
Two thousand years ago the Apostle Paul wrote a letter to believers in Rome, a city and culture with a reputation for depraved behaviour.
He reminded people back then that depravity is the inevitable result for those who do not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God.
Without a knowledge of God, people are given over to a depraved mind to do what ought not to be done and are filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity.
Although people know God’s righteous decree, that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practise them.
But we don’t have to settle for that here, now.
My aim in commenting is not to take God’s place in judgement but rather to highlight that God invites us to enjoy his way of life that is not subject to such depravity.
He offers an experience of life way richer in quality and relationship.
I also appeal to those who are already alarmed by the exhibition.
Why not take this as an opportunity to push back against the tide of godlessness to, and with, a knowledge of the true and living God who is revealed in the Bible.
— Rev. DAVID POWELL,
Albury Presbyterian Church

You said it, Ashley, you're no scholar.

Emissions tax scaring people

15 Dec, 2009 01:00 AM

I MUST be missing something.

Who is this Federal Government trying to kid.

Congratulations to Sophie Mirabella and Tony Abbott for saying it how it is.

I am convinced the entire country is being brainwashed into believing the world is going to collapse into some kind of fireball and doomed if Australia does not have a carbon-reducing scheme.

We have been scared into believing our blimp time on earth will cause a catastrophic calamity.

The poor kids over the past decade have been indoctrinated with this education fraud being lauded as a great saviour of the planet.

Indeed, people should be conservative where possible.

But in saying that, in line with our water reduction, you can be assured water prices will increase to maintain profitability.

Will water prices come down when the dams are full and there are no water restrictions? Doubtful. The ETS is a fraudulent tax which it will become a commodity on the markets.

Once it is in, God help us, it can’t and wouldn’t be removed.

Tree hugging in my opinion has gone way past its moral responsibilities and caused unprecedented fear.

I’m no scholar, but it is pretty clear to me, the federal Labor Government requires as much tax revenue as it can lay its claws on to repay the debt it has created.

Bring on a double dissolution, Kevin, or won’t that suit your agenda for a UN posting?

— ASHLEY COOPER,

Albury

Men's business bits? What exactly DID Marg buy from Homeart?

May Homeart’s staff be blessed
21 Dec, 2009 01:00 AM
SHOPPING in Centro Lavington recently, I noticed a six-piece outdoor setting on display.
I had no hope of Santa squeezing this down the chimney I don’t have, so I decided to purchase same to replace my ancient setting.
With visions of somehow having it delivered to my place of abode, I approached Homeart to make my purchase, but horror of horrors I discovered it was all packed up in a huge cardboard box, with all the screws and men’s business bits and pieces to assemble.
The staff girls noticed my look of horror and informed me, no worries, they would deliver and assemble the setting for me after work.
Have I been into the Christmas pudding brandy or maybe my hearing was failing?
No, it’s true, they arrived at arranged time, plus one of the girl’s husbands.
Twenty minutes later, all was assembled and off they went taking the king-size box and packaging with them.
Who needs Santa and his helpers when we have angels like this around?
May they be blessed and have a very happy Christmas and New Year.
— MARG McAULIFFE,
Lavington

Reader Poll and Top 5 mash up

Thursday's here and there's no trivia night - the bic pens have been packed away, John the trivia master is probably off having a few lagers somewhere and still trying to get his mouth around "Kandy T Skolsen", and I'm left with an unplanned Thursday night. What do do, what to do?!

I've made a short list of the things I could do tonight - feel free to vote or suggest your own.

1. Stay at work late and Get Shit Done.
2. Watch an entire series of Press Gang and reminisce about how I wanted to be Linda when I was a kid. And have popcorn for dinner.
3. Start making boozy christmas cakes and sugar syrup for the Mojitos that will get my sister and I through the Family Christmas.
4. Figure out how my new camera works. P does not just stand for Panic.
5. Cover my entire body in paint and then roll around on a long sheet of large butchers paper, to make wrapping paper for all my family's Christmas presents.

(Why do I feel like #1 is the option that will end up happening, even if not by choice?!)

The Border Fail (and post without a point)

Occasionally, I check out the website for the Border Mail, the news rag in my home town. It's mostly for comedic value to read about small city goings on and to shake my head at the forum it seems to provide for some pretty terrible right-wing conservativeness (V8 car races? Stimulating the local economy! Gay marriage? Burn in Hell! New ALDI store? The most exciting event since the Queen visited! Climate Change? Unscientific tosh!). It's a shame that my grandmother has as her limited sources of "current affairs" the Border Mail, Readers' Digest Magazines and John Laws. No wonder we have so many arguments when I visit!

I think my Dad once said (or said that someone once said) that you only have to fart to get on the front page of the Border Mail. And you clearly only need the IQ of a sea cucumber to get a letter to the editor published. [Except, that is, for the guy who wrote a fake letter complaining that daylight savings was to blame for climate change. Following that, letter, a number of concerned local citizenry/climate change deniers all wrote completely ridiculous letters chorusing their agreement. Brilliant.] The letters pages are often a hoot and I get a kick out of reading them when I'm visiting the folks. There seems to be an inordinate number of people writing in to thank a kind stranger for finding their dog or wallet or keys, or not causing them to die on an emergency trolley in the local hospital, or giving their husband a bottle of water as he sat under a tree on a hot day while he waited for his wife in Lavington Square (this one was for real - Mrs Senior Citizen was no doubt shopping up a storm in Big W for some control briefs and a Copperart urn. Any sensible person knows to pass out under a tree in similar circumstances).

One of the funniest letters to the editor I've read recently was from some poor biddie who wrote in to thank the "kind couple" who minded her handbag by her poker machine at the Commercial Club while she went to attend the Members' Draw. These letters all seem to end with the same astonished conclusion that the writer didn't think that nice people like that existed anymore (probably because the population nowadays are all gay, lefty, global warming gullibles who can't wait to see "this great country going down the toilet").

So, anyway, back to the comedic value present in the BM - recently I noticed this story and the magistrate's comment at the end is classic understatement:

http://www.bordermail.com.au/news/local/news/general/i-was-just-airing-my-penis-not-flashing/1687116.aspx

Combine that with the story about the mother in jail on driving offences whilst pregnant with her 10th sprog, and you start to get a pretty bad impression of the place. I wonder if the handbag minders and dog finders and community quilters despair.

(This really wasn't a post intended to appear intellectually superior to readers of the BM, I just really wanted to point that story out. I would call it a pretext but can you have a pretext that appears at the end of a story? Hmm.)

Top 5s

This week's theme is "pissweak attempts at emulation of certain celebrities through questionable fashion choices". Alternatively, "if I remember these from the 80s, why does anyone in their right mind want to go back there?!".

We were never really trendy or cool kids as far as fashion goes. A lot of our clothes were hand-me-downs or home-made. Some home-made items were the source of much tension and angst, and my mother often stubbornly refused to countenance any wailing objections to certain clothing. I'm thinking in particular here of my primary school uniform, which my mother sewed herself and into which she inserted puffy sleeves (I think the pattern was from 1964). The social implications of this were dire. I tried to iron them flat. I also walked around with my hands on opposite shoulders trying to squash the sleeves down and make those bloody puffballs yield so i could be like the other normal girls with their normal bought uniforms with normal flat sleeves. When none of these methods worked, I resorted to wearing my school jumper over uniform to hide my sartorial shame. For nearly the whole of summer. Sorry mum, it really was horrible as a 10 year old kid.

Outside of school, I tried to pass myself off as cooler than I was by copying certain styles I'd seen on tv shows or Rage, or in Smash Hits, using my limited wardrobe options. (In these GFC days, I guess you could say I may have actually spawned the concept of "shopping your wardrobe".) Of particular note, I remember these looks:

1. Martika. Cutoff denim shorts, short brunette bob hairstyle, white t-shirt with orange cheesecloth shirt over the top that I used to wear open and knotted at the shirt ends. Oh yeah, I felt the earth move. Because it was rocked by my fashion sense!


2. Punky Brewster. I had some Punky Brewster merchandise socks. One was pink, the other was blue to match Punky's l'il tramp style. Actually, I think they might have been my sister's and I just wished they were mine. I did wear them though, and we probably scratched each other's eyes out over that even though we could have probably just swapped all our regular pairs of socks around and there would be plenty of Punky style to share.


3. Eastern bloc athlete. I once owned, and LOVED, a red tracksuit set that had elasticated cuffs on the pants and the top, and puffy shoulders. There was also a wee Snoopy patch sewn on the left breast of the top. I do remember once wearing this with my black school shoes and white socks, so it's entirely open to conclude that I resembled less an eastern bloc athlete outfitted by a Lithuanian bedazzler, and more one of those daggy (but terribly cute) Chinese kids you see wearing what appear to be pyjamas as normal day clothes. And I've seen the busloads of Chinese tourists at Bondi Beach. Black shoes and white socks are clearly de rigeur in the People's Republic.


4. Collette, of "You Can Ring My Bell" fame. She spawned the whole bike pants as fashion item craze. I had a couple of pairs of flourescent trimmed bike shorts that I wore to death. And never once on a bike, funnily enough. I think there are a lot of girls out there sharing collective responsibility for this particular atrocity. And I think the leggings around nowadays are just a longer form of bike pants.


5. Shannen Doherty. This was due to the long and blunt hair cut I was sporting in 1992. I think I may have even tried to pass myself off as Brenda/Shannen at a dress-up party by wearing a purple Esprit t-shirt over a long-sleeved white top, with Levi 501s and Doc Martens. I wasn't really allowed to watch 90210, though. I did a Dolly quiz one day to be told that although I was clearly clueless about the trials and tribulations of the West Beverley High set, I shouldn't worry because the girl down the street would have all the episodes taped. And you know what, it was true. So I would go to Bianca's house and we absorbed the dramas of Brenda, Brandon, Steve, Donna, Dylan, Kelly, Andrea and David (and no, I didn't have to look that up on Wikipedia!). Her dad watched several episodes with us too. Looking back, this now seems kind of weird.

Public Service Announcement Fail

My public service announcement to myself to be nice and to not procrastinate just got stamped with a big fat red FAIL. I prepared multiple copies of a variety of court documents in complex proceedings involving a number of parties. They have taken me ages to prepare. I duly printed them, faithfully checked and collated them and, with careful positioning of the stapler, securely fastened them. I then gave them to the Overlord to sign and they were returned to me not long after, with a decree to re-do about half of them again, because that half had a signature block with a dotted line, and the other half had a signature block without a dotted line, and we should be careful to be Consistent. Yeah, Consistently Frustrating. And never mind that the documents were based on our own firm's precedents. You never noticed it the billion times you looked at the documents before.

So, it's now the afternoon and not only haven't I finished the documents yet, I've just consumed my feelings in the form of a large iced mocha chocolate. With cream.

And I might need to call the paramedics to get the pencils out of my cranium.